All of us at some point are or have been insecure whether we self-diagnose it as our definition of insecurity or not. It’s a hard thing to discover about ourselves and an even harder thing to recover from. Here are 10 signs that you or someone around you may be weighted down with some insecurity:
1. Overtly Quiet:
This isn’t to pick on the introverts (I am one) simply because they don’t like talking. This is more along the lines of those of us who never makes our voice heard out fear of repercussions. We think 1) I want to avoid stirring up any trouble at all costs and 2) my voice doesn’t matter. We tend to be very methodical in our thinking and are always weighing the pro’s and con’s of our actions.
If you are constantly thinking about yourself, how you appear to others, and what YOU can do better…you are likely insecure. All of these things are healthy things that we should all concentrate on throughout life, but if this is the heartbeat of our world then we have allowed ourselves to become the idol of our own life. Whenever an area of our life doesn’t measure up to par we get self-conscious about it.
3. People pleasing:
This one is hard. We want people to like us and we want them to be happy, even if it comes with a high price. When I am constantly worried about what someone is going to think about me or something I do, I tend not to be having a lot of confidence in myself.
4. Never receives correction:
We all know this person and some of us are this person. If anytime someone brings up something to my attention I automatically have a
n excuse justification for it, there is a highly likelihood that I am living with some hidden insecurities. Insecure people tend to be never “wrong.”
This is probably the most annoying. This sounds like “It’s so hard having this much money and not knowing what to spend it on.” Granted, that is a little extreme but it is a good example to illustrate the point. It’s when we point out something good in our life in a negative context to let you know how good of a life I have while simultaneously talking about it negatively so that you don’t think I am bragging. It’s a false attempt to stay humble while still letting you know I am better than you…and I have to be better than you.
If I can make others feel insecure about themselves then they won’t be able to do that to me. This is a lifestyle of fear where we’ve convinced ourselves that “if I focus on putting negativity on someone else then it will allow me to feel better about myself.” Typically this defense mechanism becomes so ingrained in us that we don’t even know we are doing it until someone makes it known.
This is insecurity in it’s purest form. If you are feeling in any way less significant because of somebody else, regardless if its their achievements or merely their presence, you are insecure about yourself. We tend to get scared that the awesomeness of someone else somehow comes at the expense of my own. I don’t like when people are better than me because that means I am not as valuable.
8. Doesn’t receive compliments:
I’ve struggled with this for as long as I can remember. For a long time I didn’t know what to say when someone complimented me, or how I should receive it. This was because deep down inside I believed that I wasn’t worthy of being complimented.
9. Nothing is ever good enough:
Whether this is material, status, achievement or this blog post, nothing is ever good enough. This is what fuels a lot of people to become the best in the world at what they do, which sounds like a great thing, but it depends from what part of your heart it is coming from. Is it not good enough because I know I want to give everything I have to something and I can give more, or is it because I performance defines my purpose. If I am performing for purpose, nothing will ever be good enough. That’s why we have a world filled with people who have everything you could ever imagine…except happiness.
This is hard for me because I love sarcasm but it can often be a tool we can use to hide behind. If we ever say something that isn’t well received, whether out of fun or out of vunerability, we can then hide behind the fact that it was sarcasm and don’t have to bear responsibility for what it creates. I’ve noticed I can do this when it comes to asking a girl on a date. I might say something like “When are you going to wise up and date me?” If the response is positive, then I just landed a date. If the response is negative, then I can hide behind the fact that I was being sarcastic. Regardless of the result, in both situations I lack confidence in myself and am insecure about being rejected so I use sarcasm to mask it.
This wasn’t written for insecurity shaming, that will never bring healing. These are merely things that I observe and occasionally struggle with. Hopefully this encourages you to pursue some of the roots of those insecurities.
Check out 4 Tips for Becoming More Confident.