Porn Kills

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As a 7-year old boy I distinctly remember my first pornographic image as I browsed over the new territory of an unfamiliar house.  I can still remember the image clear as day as it was scarred into my mind.  When you’re 7-years old and you see something like that, you aren’t really sure how to react.  I wasn’t sure if it was good or bad.  I wasn’t sure what my parents would say.  I wasn’t sure if I should be looking at it, but I was sure that I wanted to see it again…and so the addiction began.

For a long time this was my biggest secret, but come to find out, I am not alone.  If you’re asking yourself the question “I wonder if my son has watched porn,” 90% of men have watched it before age 18 with the average age of exposure being around 12 years old.  68% of males view porn at least once a week, even men who go to church have a 50% chance of being addicted to porn.  But it’s not only men, 1/5 of ALL porn watchers are women.

But why is it bad? Well, there are a lot of reasons.

It creates unrealistic expectations and fantasies.  

Life isn’t like it is in the movies, and sex isn’t like it is in porn.  Porn creates certain desires and expectations that sometimes just aren’t a reality.  At the click of a finger you can fulfill desires with multiple women or physical fantasies that most people don’t have and can’t do.  These fantasies are unrealistic and are only going to cause frustration when your sex life isn’t everything you fantasized it would be.  This isn’t an attack on fantasies, this is an attack on the fantasies porn creates when it takes sex and makes it what it was never supposed to be.  Porn kills your ability to be fulfilled.

It bases your sex life on pleasure.

I want to have sex just as much as the next guy, but the older I get the more I begin to understand that sex isn’t just about the physical pleasure.  When we look at sex with the perspective of what it can give to us, we are looking at sex like a means to an end.  Sex was never designed to be a pleasure tool, and its sole purpose isn’t even reproduction.  There are plenty of species who can reproduce without having sex.  The purpose of sex is to create a union between two people.  It is where two become one flesh, thus building connection and intimacy.  Pleasure is just a nice addition to what sex actually is.  When someone watches sex for pleasure they are teaching themselves the lie that sex is focused on pleasure.  Porn kills healthy sex.

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It degrades men and women.

 I’m no porn expert, but I’ve seen enough of it to know that the way women are being treated is both degrading and harmful.  When you are watching porn you aren’t looking at her like the beautiful creation she is, you are looking at her for what she has to offer you.  Believe it or not, a woman is worth much more than what she has to offer you, and vice versa.  Porn kills our respect towards men and women.

You’re having an affair.

If you are in a relationship or you are married, you need to understand porn is not harmless.  You are pretending to have sex with someone else.  If that doesn’t speak “Sorry babe, you’re just not enough for me,” I don’t know what does.  Pretending to have sex with someone else is just as bad as doing.  Be loyal both in act and in heart.  Porn kills relationships.

It distorts relationships and your views of the opposite sex.  

I did the porn path for a long time and realized that after a long porn binge I began to look at women differently.  I no longer look at the beauty of their hearts, but am focused on the things I had focused on when I was watching porn.  Let me tell you, in the midst of looking at porn, the last thing going through someone’s mind is “I bet they have a really great heart.”  So as a result, I have become interested in pursuing women for the wrong reasons because my focus has been put on the wrong things.  Porn kills our views of the opposite sex.

I’m definitely not perfect and I definitely don’t have everything figured out, but I know that porn is unhealthy for everybody.  If you share the same struggle I do, know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and restoration is always available to those who seek it.  Young and old, single or not, porn slowly calluses your eyes and your heart.  Porn Kills.

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13 Comments Add yours

  1. I would like to disagree on a few points you made.

    Where I do agree that it is unrealistic images of men and women, the concept of basing your sex life on pleasure isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sex is intimate and beautiful and supposed to be pleasurable. It allows for both parties to enjoy it with the person they are with and create a moment where both of them are “in the moment.”

    The second point id life to make is about having an affair in with someone else. Not really. Many couples like to watch porn together because it allows them to explore different experiences together. If someone is watching it alone it can mean that sometimes their partner is not into having sex right now and they still want to find other methods of getting off because they need it. Neither men nor women have a requirement to always have sex. But if one is frustrated and they need to get a bit stress off on their own, it is okay. Its a method of relief and can save a relationship sometimes too.

    The last one I would say is more like a personal problem. As a twenty year old man who watches porn I do not have the problem of sexualizing women. While I look at their body and think of how attractive they are, if they have no intelligence or heart what kind of woman are they. Just a trophy wife and a ditz and nothing more. Your final statement is more personal and shows on the strength and perception of women in the first place. True enough while i watch porn I do not care about their heart or intelligence, however, that is not who I am in real life and that is not what I value. I would take an intelligent women over a sexy ditz any day, because sex should never be a vital determining factor when looking for a mate.

    I like the article, but I wanted to throw in some rebuttal points as well before you generalize all men in your post.

    In my opinion, porn is just an industry who makes its money on those who sometimes want to explore their sexuality or want to learn more about humans in general.

  2. Lindsey says:

    Robert-
    First if all— if you do not fully believe in Gods word and commands and what The Lord requires of his people your opinion is based on that of the World— That being said– your opinion is far altered from a man who is broken for God– Learning- Growing and striving to be a better person–

    Brett is speaking from a place where God has taken him and showed him truth— in
    1 Corinthians 6:18 The Lord says this :
    18Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. 19Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

    The above is something I have highlighted in my bible that tells me my body is a temple of the living God- if I give myself to someone other than my husband, or to porn or masturbation to explore another human as you put it– I am disgracing God– I am disgracing and shaming myself–

    I completely agree when I watch porn I am doing something ungodly– I am seeking pleasure in my loneliness- and that is a bad place to be–

    And Robert remember in life–
    When you are rude– harsh- uncaring-

    Those things reflect your character not someone else’s–

    When you say to another “sounds like a personal problem” you say I am too busy for others and uncaring-

    This is speaking from a college education in a completed degree of Psychology with time spent studying behavior and body language-

    Robert– when you find God-
    I pray that you are given the kindness and compassion that God would give– not what you have bestowed upon others–

  3. Lindsey says:

    And thank you Brett for sharing your struggles so other men women do not feel so alone– so they can face their struggles– keep seeking The Lord and honoring him–

    Nome if us are perfect but God says– he is strong in our weakness-

    2 Corinthians 12:9
    9Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 10That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

  4. Jenny says:

    what you see is what you get! so you better make sure that it’s heaven sent, cause all the things that you see and do they will come back to you. so be careful what you choose there’s some things you’ll never loose. If you put it in your mind it’s gonna stay in your heart

  5. Jasmine Jirout says:

    Great post again, like usual! 🙂
    It’s almost like walking literally into a spider web.
    It sucks. And just when you think jumping around and wiggling the little webs off alleviates the problem, the spider comes crawling up your arm.

    I have two brothers and a dad who have dealt with porn.
    And I’ll admit that when I was younger, I stumbled upon things I shouldn’t have seen too.
    & If any of your readers happen to stumble upon my comment, know there is freedom.

    It only looks unobtainable from the outside.
    “Draw near to him, he will draw near to you.”
    James 4:8

    Temptation never gets easier, but being close with God changes everything.
    It’s amazing to know we have a God who is willing to listen to our thoughts. That he cares. There is no temptation that he hasn’t faced and no temptation that he won’t be your strength for.

    Rely on his strength 🙂

  6. Thanks for this post Brett.

  7. Miss Kathy says:

    I fully concur with you Brother Brett! I want to add if anyone asked an innocent female about porn, she would say “what for” . . . and be dumbfounded: it is completely unnecessary, ridiculous, and infidel!

    It is very harmful! The devil’s people can keep it to themself into cries and knashing of teeth, because this child of God refuses! Leave me, go into the sea – my roots are deep, Jesus paid a high price for me! Father God I pray protection of your children, I pray for many to come to and return to Christ!

    Thank you Brother Brett for blogging on this serious conflict!

  8. anonymous says:

    Hello, I also struggle with this issue. For 6 years I’ve been hiding it and don’t know who to talk about it with. How did you end your addiction? How do you get right with God after doing such a horrible thing as lusting after someone or something? I’d love a follow up on how to end this horrible addiction.
    Thanks for this wonderful blog! It makes me laugh and think at the same time 🙂

  9. Kat says:

    Anonymous, Seek out a brother in the Lord. Someone who you can trust and that will give you godly counsel. The second thing is renew your mind. When you get the urge to turn on porn grab your Bible, and open it. Take steps, but use the word of God to remind this addiction that it has no place in your life. You are an over comer! Jesus came and defeated this addiction (and all other addictions when he died on the cross. I am not just saying this as a woman trying to encourage a man, but I am saying this from the view point of a woman who has over come this addiction. It is by the grace of God. If it is the internet causing you to stumble, then step away from it for a time. Renew your Mind! Key thing. Ask God to reveal to you why you struggle with this, and He will meet you right where you are at. Seek Him, and seek manly (godly) men for accountability. The same power that raised Christ from the dead is in you. Speak the word over your addiction.

  10. Raymond says:

    Thanks to u all for the advice, i just hope i get the strenght to fight this habit. I always feel bad after watching it, so whats the essence of watching it.

  11. Raymond says:

    Am 20, is it right to view porn?

  12. A.J. Will says:

    Inspiring honesty. Thanks for shedding some light on what’s really going on with porn.

  13. Hi there to all, how is the whole thing, I think
    every one is getting more from this site, and your views are pleasant in support of new
    viewers.

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