16 Tips for the GentleWomen

file000698413407

After reading my 28 Tips for the Gentlemen, a lot of women have asked me if I have any tips for them.  I tried to come up with a few and you may be surprised that a lot of the same concepts apply to both sides.  Here are some of the things I believe make an awesome woman.  Keep in mind that these are just tips, I am not trying to mold you into something that you are not.  The most important thing you can do is be yourself.  This list includes a combination of tips for good etiquette as well as some of the things I look for when dating women.

1.  Let the man be a gentlemen.  Some women have no problem with this, in fact, they enjoy it.  However, this isn’t true for everyone.  Let me just say that when a man grabs your door, wants to pay for you, or does some other gentlemen-like thing for you, it is not because he doesn’t think you are perfectly able to do it yourself.  Men aren’t trying to suppress you, they are just trying to be sweet.  It is annoying when you take it the wrong way.  Just let the man be a gentlemen.

2.  Stay off your phone.  When I am hanging out with you I want you to be hanging out with me too…not everyone else on your snap chat list.  When you are out with friends, learn to set the phone aside.  While it is difficult for me to leave my phone in the car, I have found it effective to leave my phone facedown on the table and encourage whoever I am with to do it also.  It is still there in case of an emergency, but it isn’t distracting you by blowing up your pocket/purse every 30 seconds.  Nobody wants to hangout with someone who is constantly buried in their phone.  Stay off your phone.

3.  One man at a time.  A lot of the time the guys are the ones highlighted for being tools, but not all women are innocent in this either.  If your single, you might find yourself talking to a lot of people.  But, you should only be dating one at a time.  If I take you out and things go great and then find out you went out with someone else the next night, you just blew it.  You wouldn’t want a man to do that to you, so don’t do that to them.    Just be patient, slow down, and focus on one at a time.

4.  Don’t be afraid to dress-up.  If you are going out on a date or maybe you are going somewhere to potentially find a date, don’t be afraid to dress-up.  As much as I hate to admit it, the first thing guys are going to see is what you look like.  If you took time to put yourself together the guy is going to notice that.  More often than not, I tend to find myself chasing the girl who spends a lot of time in sweatpants and rocking the messy bun.  BUT, it is always a good feeling to go out and see that she felt her time with me was important enough to get classy.  It is more than just looking good, it is showing that this is special.  Don’t be afraid to dress-up.

5.  Don’t be afraid to dress-down.  On the opposite end of the scale from the sweatpants and messy bun is the woman who never leaves home without looking like Heaven on Earth.  This person has no problem getting dressed up, but sometimes they struggle getting dressed-down.  Frankly, none of us are always going to look like we were hand-crafted by Angels.  With that being said, if you find yourself really connecting with someone, don’t be afraid to have a laid-back date where you both “dress-down.”  Take the makeup off, throw the hair up and enjoy a movie on the couch or a day going for a hike.  If they aren’t interested when you aren’t looking your best, then they definitely don’t deserve you when you are.  Don’t be afraid to dress-down.

6.  Keep it classy.  If you want to be treated like a classy lady, make sure you are acting like a classy lady.  Watch what you say, especially early on.  Nobody is perfect and nobody expects you to be, but it is nice to have a conversation that isn’t diluted with F-bombs or you talking trash about your roommates.  Keep it classy.

7.  Don’t be afraid to show some love.  I have learned through the years that most women enjoy compliments.  I hope this isn’t a surprise but men enjoy them too.  Don’t be excessive, but be sure to let the man know you are in good company, unless he’s a tool.  If that is the case, excuse yourself to the restroom…the restroom at your house(I’m telling you to go home).  Sorry, I got distracted.  Don’t be afraid to show some love.

8.  You don’t need to let us know how awesome you are, we will figure it out.  Every once in awhile I will shake hands with the rare breed of woman who feels like she needs to tell me all of her accomplishments.  I’m not sure if she is really proud or is trying to impress, but generally these conversations turn into monologues about how great she is.  I love hearing about people’s accomplishments, but let me ask you about them before you unpack the whole list.  Don’t get me wrong, it is okay to be excited to share some of the things you have done.  It is when the “conversation” turns into me setting my hand on my chin and daydreaming what you would look like with no hair that you have gone too far.  If you are truly as awesome as you think you are, the man will notice.  You don’t need to let us know how awesome you are.

9.  Be nice.  Surprised?  If you are in hopes of falling in love with a gentlemen, he will be interested in more than what you look like.  If you suffer from “pretty face-ugly heart” syndrome, just remember you aren’t going to look like that forever.  However, generally the beauty of one’s heart lasts a lifetime.  I am more concerned with the beauty of her heart than her body, because one of those isn’t going to fade away.  If my love is tied to her heart instead of her looks, in 60 years I’ll still be in love.  Be nice.

10.  Don’t play so hard-to-get that men think you are not interested.  In my experience, women like to be pursued.  So, when they play hard-to-get, they are making the “pursuit” a little more interesting.  I don’t think this is a bad thing, men should know they are suppose to pursue the ladies.  But ladies, be careful you’re not playing so hard that we get the impression that you are not interested.  My advice, throw the dog a bone every once in a while.  If you are interested, don’t be afraid to affirm and compliment the man who is pursuing you.  You can still play your little woman games but be sure to let us know we are still in the game and don’t waste our time!  Don’t play so hard-to-get that we think you are not interested.

11.  Be confident in who you are.  One of the first things I notice in both men and women is there, or lack of, confidence.  My heart is to raise people up so I have come to recognize when someone is lacking confidence.  On the flip side, just as women like a confident man, men like confident, secure women.  Don’t be afraid of eye contact and don’t be afraid to talk loud of enough for us to hear you.  Know yourself and understand who you are.  Once you have done that, you can be confident in who you are.

12.  Show me that smile.  I think the goal on any first date for a man is to make the girl smile.  We like it when you smile so don’t be afraid to show off one of your best features!  Show me that smile!

13.  Don’t be afraid to be assertive.  Depending on the kind of woman you are, you may not have a problem with this.  All too often I run into the “whatever you want to do” response.  Some women just want the men to call the shots, I get that.  But most men want “whatever you want to do,” too.  So, this puts us in a bind to come up with something to do or some place to eat that we think you are going to like.  Help us out.  If you’ve been dating for a while turn the conversation more into a team discussion rather than a game of follow the leader.  Don’t be afraid to be assertive.

14.  Keep it real.  I’m no expert, but I know when you say “I’m fine,” “I’m not mad,” “nothing,” “do whatever you want,” and about a hundred things, you aren’t actually saying what you mean.  As much fun as it is to guess how you are actually feeling (sarcasm), it is better if you are just straight up so there is no guessing game.  Don’t play games.  Please, keep it real.

15.  Don’t be afraid to have fun and get silly.  Sure, there is a level of maturity that goes into everything but at the end of the day I’m going to choose someone who is fun over someone who is serious.  It is okay to have sly remarks and witty comebacks in the name of good fun.  Plus, a lot of time “inside jokes” will arise out of these situations which always make your relationship a little bit better.  Don’t be afraid to have fun and get silly.

16.  If you are not interested, don’t pretend to be because you like the attention.  This may quite possibly be the most annoying thing women do.  I’m fine if you are not interested in me.  But, when you are just playing games because you like the attention you are getting until something worth dating comes along, you’re kind of lame.  Just be honest with your intentions even if you hurt some feelings.  It is better to hurt my feelings now than drop the bomb three months later after I’ve chased you through all your little games.  If you are not interested, don’t pretend to be because you like the attention.

I hope this gives you a little more perspective.  Also, every guy is not like me. Keep in mind that your Prince Charming may not value some of these things like I do.

 

 

Advertisements

5 Comments Add yours

  1. Anonymous says:

    Haha. I totally agree. Good tips!

  2. Anonymous says:

    Love this! And as a woman, I think they are all reasonable and good 🙂

  3. Anonymous says:

    Hi Brett! I’m a pretty recent follower (of the blog, been a Christ follower for a while), love the blog and its inspiring to see a young man passionate for Jesus 🙂 love these tips, will be sure to put them all to use so that I can be honorable to myself and to the Godly man that will someday enter my life 🙂 thanks again!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s